Can a Narcissist Change? What Research Says

Most people who ask this are not asking out of curiosity. They are asking whether to wait.

The internet gives two answers, and both are too simple. One says narcissists never change. The other says anyone can change with enough love.

The research sits between those, and it is more useful than either. Narcissistic traits do shift, slowly and on average. Real change in how someone treats people is possible and rare, and it happens on their terms, not yours.

Can a narcissist change?

Yes, in some cases, and far less often than the people waiting for it hope.

Three findings frame the honest answer.

Narcissism tends to decline with age, but people keep their place relative to others. A formal diagnosis can fade while the underlying personality stays much the same. And the cases of genuine change in therapy share one feature: the person wanted it, for their own reasons, and kept at it for years.

None of those findings put you in charge of the outcome. That is the part worth sitting with before anything else.

Are narcissists capable of change?

Capable, yes. Whether narcissists can change in the way their partners mean is a different question, and it depends on what kind of change you are hoping for.

A study of 96 patients diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder followed 40 of them for two years. 53% no longer met the DSM criteria for the diagnosis. Clinicians call this remission, and it sounds hopeful. Partly it is.

But the same study measured the underlying personality pathology on a dimensional scale, and those scores stayed stable. Some of the specific behaviours faded. The personality underneath them largely did not.

So “no longer diagnosable” and “no longer hurts the people close to them” are not the same outcome.

Do narcissists get worse with age?

On average, no. They tend to get somewhat better, and less than you might hope.

The first long-term study of this, published in 2020, followed people from age 18 to age 41. Overall narcissism fell substantially over those 23 years, and entitlement fell the most.

The finding that matters more for you is the other one. People kept their rank. Those who were the most narcissistic at 18 were still, broadly, the most narcissistic at 41. Everyone softened a little, and the gap between people stayed.

Life paths mattered too. People with more unstable relationships showed smaller declines in vanity. People higher in vanity when young were more likely to have divorced by midlife.

If you are waiting for age to do the work, that is the realistic picture. Some mellowing, over decades, with the same person underneath.

Can a narcissist change with therapy?

Sometimes, and the evidence for it is thinner than for most conditions.

A systematic review of community studies looked for controlled treatment trials for narcissistic personality disorder and found none that met its criteria, up to 2008. Clinicians use approaches such as transference-focused psychotherapy, schema therapy and mentalization-based therapy, but the trial evidence for narcissism specifically is still limited.

The most detailed recent look at what change actually involves came from Harvard clinicians in 2023. They reviewed long-term therapy with eight patients who had narcissistic personality disorder. All eight improved, in work, relationships and the diagnosis itself.

The conditions are the important part.

Change was gradual, and it depended on the patient’s own motivation and commitment to therapy, their ability to reflect, their emotion regulation and their sense of agency. Eight cases is a small number. They were also patients who stayed in long-term treatment, which is not the typical path for people with narcissistic traits.

Can a narcissist change without therapy?

Some softening happens without it, as the age data shows. Deliberate change without help is much less likely.

The problem is not intelligence or awareness. It is that the traits protect themselves. Admitting a need to change means tolerating shame, and avoiding shame is much of what the pattern is for.

Can a narcissist change for the right woman or the right man?

No. This is the version of the question that costs people the most years.

Love is not a treatment. Every case of real change in the research came from the person’s own motivation, not from a partner being patient, loving or understanding enough.

It also explains a common experience. People often find that a narcissistic ex treated the next partner exactly the same way, after a bright beginning.

Does a narcissist treat every partner the same? Broadly, yes. The new relationship looks different because it is in a different stage of the same cycle. The narcissistic abuse cycle covers why.

Their new partner is not getting a better version of them. They are getting the early one.

Can a narcissist change after hitting rock bottom?

A crisis can open a window. It does not guarantee anything goes through it.

Losing a marriage, a job or a reputation sometimes brings someone into therapy for the first time. More often, what looks like rock bottom is narcissistic collapse: a period of despair and rage that ends with the old self-image rebuilt, not replaced.

The difference shows over months, not days. Collapse looks for someone to restore it. Change looks for help and keeps going when nobody is watching.

Do narcissists know they need to change?

More than you might expect. A 2011 study found that people high in narcissism understood others saw them less positively than they saw themselves. They even described themselves as arrogant.

That matters because it removes a hope many partners hold: that if they could just make the person see it, change would follow. Insight is often already there. What is missing is the willingness to act on it.

How can you tell if the change is real?

By what happens over time, when nothing is at stake for them.

• It lasts past the crisis: A promise made while you are leaving is a hoover until proven otherwise. Watch the months after you return, not the week before.
• It happens without an audience: Real change shows up in private, with people who can do nothing for them.
• Accountability comes without conditions: “I hurt you” rather than “I’m sorry you felt hurt” or “I’m sorry, but you also…”.
• They sought help themselves: Therapy chosen and continued by them, not attended to win you back.
• They do not demand credit: Someone who is changing does not need you to keep acknowledging it.
• Your fear goes down: The most reliable sign is in you. Over months, do you stop rehearsing conversations and bracing for their mood?

If the apology arrives with flowers and a deadline for your forgiveness, you are looking at the reconciliation phase, not a new person. Hoovering covers what that looks like.

Can a covert or malignant narcissist change?

A covert narcissist can, in principle, and the barriers are different. The vulnerable presentation carries a lot of shame and grievance, which makes treatment feel like attack. The covert narcissist covers this presentation.

A malignant narcissist is the least likely to change. The combination of narcissism with antagonism and a lack of remorse is the profile least likely to seek treatment or stay in it. Malignant narcissist covers why this profile needs a different response.

Can you live a normal life with a narcissist?

Some people manage a workable life, usually by lowering expectations, keeping firm boundaries and building support outside the relationship. It is rarely what they wanted, and it has costs.

If you are in that position by choice, the grey rock method and boundaries with a narcissist cover the tools. If you are in it because you are waiting for them to change, the research above is worth reading twice.

Will a narcissist ever realize what they lost?

Sometimes, briefly, usually when the new supply runs out. Rarely in the way you hope, with real grief and real understanding.

Your recovery cannot depend on that moment arriving. It may not arrive, and if it does, it will probably come as a message asking for another chance.

Should you wait for a narcissist to change?

That decision is yours, and it deserves an honest frame.

Change, when it happens, takes years, happens on their motivation rather than yours, and cannot be verified until long after you would need to decide. Meanwhile, your life is happening now.

You can hope someone changes without putting your own life on hold for it. Distance does not stop them changing, if they are going to. It only stops you paying for the wait.

Common questions

Can a narcissist be a good person? They can do good things, and many do. The question that matters is whether they show empathy to the people closest to them when it costs them something.

Can a narcissist change in a new relationship? The new relationship usually starts in idealisation, which looks like change. Whether it lasts is only visible once the early stage ends.

Can a narcissist change after marriage? Marriage tends to end the idealisation phase rather than begin a better one. Many people describe the devaluation starting soon after.

How long does it take a narcissist to change? In the therapy research, years of consistent work. Anything that happens in weeks is more likely to be a phase of the cycle.

Can a narcissist change for love? Not reliably. Love can be a reason someone enters treatment, but the change has to be driven by their own motivation to last.

Is it my job to help them change? No. You can support someone’s choice to get help. You cannot be their treatment, and trying usually costs you more than it helps them.

What to take from this

Narcissists can change a little with age and, rarely, a great deal with years of treatment they chose for themselves. Neither route runs through you.

The research does not say give up on anyone. It says stop waiting as a strategy.

You are allowed to leave the door unlocked for someone else’s change and still walk through your own.

Where to go next. Can a narcissist love? answers the question underneath this one, and signs of a narcissist covers which traits actually predict harm.

The narcissistic abuse cycle explains why promises of change arrive when they do, and how to leave a narcissist covers planning an exit safely.

If you want structured support, the 8 week narcissistic abuse recovery program is built for exactly this decision. If there is any question of danger, start with crisis support.